Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Collection: Short But not Sweet

The stories below were published at various points in time on Facebook. My journey back to conjuring up tales has begun. As always, I hope you enjoy, even if you are reading them for a second time! 

1. "You and I will be like concentrated Sulfuric acid and Potassium permanganate. Every time we’d meet would be a subtle reaction with immense heat and passion that’s invisible to the eye", K said proposing her. "I’m tempted but I worry about the explosive Manganese heptoxide that the reaction would produce", she smiled and walked away.

~

2. The room shook with his laughter. "Why are you laughing on your deathbed"?, someone asked. "It's strange that you ask me this question cause no one asked me why I was crying when I came to this world".

~

3. "Kill him. Bury him alive", the queen said. The priest had just told her that she will never become a mother. "You half-wit! You think this is the severest punishment? The most scary? You gave me death, I'll give you life", the priest screamed. "I bless you with immortality. You will age but will never die". The dejected queen was ignorant to what had hit her.

~

4. God appeared after 10 years of prayers. "I am happy, just tell me what you need". "Solitude", he said immediately. "What? You have no friends or family. You haven't even seen anyone for ages. You are already alone". "That is right my Lord but they told me you are everywhere". God smiled. He does when He fails.

~
 
5. The logician prayed rigorously for 11 years. He sought immortality, nothing less. "God! Please bless me with immortality. May I live forever", he said. God, "I'm sorry. I can't bless you with that. To compensate, you can ask for two blessings". His mind raced, he looked around and saw a monkey. "Please bless me that I only die three nanoseconds after the monkey dies". "Granted". "Thanks. Bless the monkey that it only dies five nanoseconds after I do". "Sublime idea. Granted". The God smiled. The logician died after few years. Before he died the God whispered in his ears. "Time my friend is an earthly conception". 

~
 
6. He looked intensely at the vintage 1996 bottle of wine. “It’s half full”, he smiled. He pulled the cork out and his jaw dropped. The bottle was half empty. He put the cork back on and the bottle was half full again. “I am just drunk”, he thought. “The world has always underestimated me”, the cork frowned.

~
 
7. Thousands of years ago, a revolution against the apples was initiated by other fruits. They fought for equality, to abolish the apple dictate and laws that stated that apples were superior. After many years of bloodshed the apples gave in. Together they approached the man to help them write an equality bill. The man since then treated them all equal, with help of the knife.

~
 
8. Heart surgeon by the day and serial killer by the night, he ate as many hearts as the number of surgeries. “My job is to maintain balance”. He was lying in his deathbed and the balance sheet read +1. He punched a hole in his chest but found no heart. The world remained imbalanced.

~
 
9. He visited the parliament to conduct an honesty examination. “Only the honest will see what’s written on this magical paper”. Everyone was asked to record what they read. He died that evening. “Everyone’s honest. They all read the sentence ‘I can’t see anything’”, the newspaper said next day. A blank sheet of paper drifted somewhere.

~
 
10. The four legs fell apart again. The bed crashed whenever they tried it. “Let’s try on the floor”, she said five months after marriage. It resulted in an earthquake. “Why God”? “Prophecy says that your 3rd son will be devil”, God answered. “3rd!! What’s the hoopla now”? “Because I don’t trust devil’s Mathematics” God sighed.

~
 
11. He owned the city’s most famous cafe. “What makes our coffee addictive?” his son asked. “It’s Mrs. Chatterjee”. The old woman had served him for 29 years. “She mixes her tears in every cup”. “Dad, she will die soon. How will we manage then”? “Don’t worry, world will never be devoid of tears”, he grinned.

~
 
12. The box was in his pocket, always. He ate outside, always. Food, that was too bland for him. Food, that always needed the special spice mix that his mother had created. The cylindrical box, a joke for his friends. The blue box, the only belonging he had of his late mother. The small box, empty.

~
 
13. The couple was crushed to death by the huge chandelier that crashed down on their bed. It was the 5th tragedy in that hotel. They all occurred on the same floor. “Humans! Morons! They skipped me when putting the numbers up and thought they punched a hole in the number line“, 13 laughed out loud.

~

14. "All of us will eventually die. If we act smart though, we can survive longer collectively", he said calming everyone down. They were stuck on an island with no flora or fauna. He was the only logician amongst the 31. "We will have to kill one amongst ourselves and eat their meat. All of us have unique birth dates and cover every possible day from 1 to 31. To keep it unbiased, I have devised a simple formula. We'll use this formula to pick up the nth man to be killed. We'll add 3 to n, square it, subtract 9 from it, divide it by n, divide it by 31 and look at the remainder. The man with that birth day will sacrifice himself for the rest. The last man on island will survive for 499 days with this scheme". They trusted him and his unbiased strategy. One by one they turned into food. On the 372nd day only the logician and a young man were alive. They dined and finished the last portion of meat together. "I knew from day one that I would be the last but one to be killed", the young man said. "There is a dense jungle on the other side of the island and its rich in vegetation. There are plenty of sheep too. We can have a sumptuous meal all our lives". The logician smiled. "I knew it too" he said and smashed his head.  

~

15. The exploration was over. The space ship had jaunted for thirty seven light-years before it succeeded in locating alien life. The newly found planet was being broadcasted live at the International Space Science Institute. “No movie or literature ever got it right. They have got two eyes and one nose“, the head scientist said.

~
 
16. "God must have created you in His vacation", he said. He was smitten with her from day one but she only married him after he wrote an insurance policy. They were honeymooning in Pacific. She pushed him into the vastness for the sharks to enjoy a nice dinner. “God’s never on vacation. I ensure it. It was in fact my vacation”, the devil laughed.

~

The one below is based upon facts.

I have to admit that the stories that you read above are not mine. I am a nincompoop so my witty friend K conjures up stories for me. K is extremely timid and wants to remain in the hiding. I felt last night that I should unveil this secret to everyone. I went out looking for him, to ask him to spell a tale to delve this deception but couldn’t locate him, even after standing for 251 minutes in front of the mirror.

1 comment:

  1. Very interesting stories... different and captivating!!

    ReplyDelete